he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called his prostate his "boner button".
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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