Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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