Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
