Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize