Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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