Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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