I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
