I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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