We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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