It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Boobs are out for the taking
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
