Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
