Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
