just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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