Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
