and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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