If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
