A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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