I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I've blown a few things in my day
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
