its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
