I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
