you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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