I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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