Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize