I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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