Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
