yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I think my fart just growled at me.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
