I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
