so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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