i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
