Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
