i don't like sucking hair
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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