Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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