Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
