There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
