I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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