you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
