Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
did i just pee glitter
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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