Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Fuck appropriateness.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
