I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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