Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
