why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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