She's JV to your varsity
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
two words: eviction party
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
whose parrot is this?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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