i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We are two peas in an std pod
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
