just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
