as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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