Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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