Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he puts the penis in happiness.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
