dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
