He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
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