i just made my gag reflex go away.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
