I was born with a shot glass in my hand
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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