I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
