there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
