You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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