I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
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when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
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I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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