Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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