I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
