mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
