dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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