i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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