So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize