So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
