im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He? As in you personified your dick?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
