So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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