Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
